indiana territory

ASHES

We put Little Ann to sleep a couple of weeks ago because she had cancer and I felt it was time. Yes, I made the decision and I am not sorry for it, maybe it could have been put off a few days, maybe she was already too uncomfortable and I should have done it earlier. I did the best I could for her.

Now her ashes are waiting for me over at Dr. Barnard's office; they called and left a message. I found it hard to go over and get them - a container coming home. I had taken a dog and watched her nose around outside the clinic unaware that the minutes of her life were ticking away. That is a hard thing to watch: the last sniff, the last little walk, the last wags of the tail . . . you know, but she doesn't suspect.

Then it occured to me perhaps she thought I wasn't coming for her - not that the ashes would think, but that somewhere her spirit was watching. It is in my head that maybe she is thinking, "They don't care." So, I will go today and bring her ashes home . . . her spirit, I hope is romping at the fairgrounds, curling up on the sofa, infuriatingly barking at the mailman, trying to sneak out the door and secure in our abiding love.

posted by Jody @ 7:02 AM